I have been without a man for too dayum long!

Yeah, I am letting you into alllll of my business!

When I realized how long it had been, at first it pissed me off and then it made me sad – way more than I would care to admit, and then I felt lonely.
It has been 4 years and 7 months.
4 years and 7 months of not being able to share all of my love, energy and intimacy with a man. 4 years and 7 months of not being able to build and grow with a companion by my side. 4 years and 7 months of not having a man to come home to, to cuddle with, to share my day with.

4 years and 7 months.

When I really started admitting to myself that it had been 4 years and 7 months, rather than “about” 4 years, I was able to see things more clearly and I want to share 3 of the many lessons I learned with you.

First – Get clear on the facts and stay in reality.
I never wanted to calculate the amount of time I was actually single for because that made things too real for me. I liked living in a world of “estimates” and “approximations” rather than “reality.” But all there is, is reality. And there is no tomorrow until tomorrow comes, and then it is now – then it is reality. So if I can’t deal with reality, I can’t be in any relationship, let alone a romantic one.

Once I was clear about my reality, once I stopped resisting my reality, I was able to see various ways to address it so that I could create a new reality.

So what is something you are resisting and have been unwilling to get clear on the facts about?

Either way you look at it, at some point you are going to have to deal with reality, however the longer you wait the more you will have to lose, so why not do it when you have less to lose?

Second – We choose our reality and we have to deal with it like an adult.
I had it that the reason why I have been single is because it “just isn’t my time”, or because “I have other things that God, Universe, etc. want me to take care of.”  Now don’t get me wrong, I DO BELIEVE and AFFIRM THIS. However, I was using this as my excuse so I didn’t have to take responsibility for the fact that I just haven’t been intentional about this area of my life. I haven’t prioritized a romantic relationship. All of the things that I have chosen to be intentional about has turned into something extraordinary. EXXXXXTRA ORDINARY I say!

I hadn’t chosen to be in a relationship for 4 years and 7 months.

I have recently chosen to be intentional about being in a relationship that is in direct alignment with my values and commitment. (So if you know anyone…….hollllla…I’m just saying).

Whether it be about getting on the court with regards to relationships, or with regards to something else, choose something fully rather than straddling the fence. Straddling the fence has the tendency to make you think that you don’t have to take full responsibility for how things turn out, but its quite the opposite. Whether consciously or unconsciously, you are choosing something and you have to deal with your reality, and your reality is a clear indicator of what you have chosen.

So whatever you do, just CHOOSE with a conscious mind and heart.

Third – During the course of being “without a man”, or “without” something, you have been able to be with and deal with yourself. 
I took time out to actually acknowledge all of the personal work I have been able to do with myself during the course of the past 4 years and 7 months and I was actually moved to tears. I realized that we often get caught up in what we don’t have and we lose sight of all that we do have, all that we have created. I encourage you to take stock of all of the things that you have been able to create, even in the midst of being without something. Pay gratitude to your life because something has worked – you just need to be reminded of it.

These are only 3 of the MANY lessons I have learned during my 4 years and 7 months of choosing not to be in a relationship.

What lessons have you learned during your time of being without something? Do share with me below!

In love,
:) Akua Soadwa
…you are just one conversation and one action away from having everything you want.